[ for the record, this is absolutely... not the first time they've fucked up quite like this. and it's not even the first time they've fucked up like this since they managed to learn each others preferred fighting tactics and spidey moves, to the point where they can sometimes manage to anticipate certain things without either of them needing to voice it. but this fuckup wasn't because of some miscommunication, or an impulsive thwip when they should have kapowed. this time it was completely out of their hands. in a way. they were caught off-guard, which you would think was impossible for two people with spider-sense, but they don't call 'em super villains for nothing. it was the type of ambush that had them outnumbered, after splitting them apart from the start ( which is something that manages to throw gwen off her game in a way that it didn't before, but she's not going to admit that anytime soon ), and from there it's actually kind of a blur..? to gwen at least, who must have given up some control to venom at some point, because the "blur" is pretty literal when she tries to piece together what just happened. but-! sometimes fuckups just happen, and even though this one was a really, really fucking close call, and she's having a difficult time shaking off the keyed-up adrenaline that's still pumping through her veins- when all is said and done, all they can really do is keep moving forward.
or keep moving toooo the couch, in this case. because gwen definitely has at least a mild concussion, and in the time it took them to make it back to his apartment? ( or is it hers..? it's probably bad that she can't actually make that out, at the moment ) standing upright on her own had become increasingly difficult. and at first she felt almost manic - not quite paranoid, but freaked out, yeah. on edge - but luckily for her, poe's gotten surprisingly good at talking her down when she needs it. or it's possible that maybe he didn't actually get better at it, but she just trusts him more now. it could be that, too. maybe.
but he did manage to calm her down and help her chill out eventually, but unfortunately with increased chill also comes increased awareness, which is why she winced before she even totally realized why she would have a reason to. the aches and pains settled in slowly, but the dizziness kind of smacked her in the face before she knew it was coming. or maybe... "knocked her in the head" is the better choice of wording, because after reaching her hand up to touch a weirdly dull-but-sharp pain just above her eyebrow, she realized poe wasn't just avoiding eye contact with her - he was trying to get a look at the cut there.
anyway, that's what led them to this moment right now - the pair still sitting across from each other on the couch - poe still gently cleaning and patching her up, helping her stay awake, and gwen... kinda floating in this weird mental space that's somewhere between "gotta stay awake. totally cannot sleep if i have a concussion. c'mon, stacy, buck up. focus. stay awake." and "i'm so tired and that feels so nice wow poe's so good at this. so good at taking care of me.". and she might not actually be voicing any of those things ( thank god ), but the way she keeps turning her face to press her nose to his palm, or press a kiss to his wrist, isn't subtle. and y'know, neither is the way she keeps leaning in closer to him by a fraction of an inch every minute or so, until she eventually just moves her butt forward, towards him, actually putting her right there in front of him, and not just leaning over into his space. she's not quite sitting on his lap, but it seems like she's certainly trying to sneaking her way to that point, yeah.
she's just feeling a little clingy in the aftermath of a tough fight, that's all. a little scared, a little overprotective, a little needy. the only problem with that is that they haven't really... done anything like that yet. the few times they've hooked up so far have been rushed, or impulsive, in the moment. this is slower, softer. with a very different type of need than those other times. ]
[ Poe told himself, back when he first accidentally stumbled into this particular time and place on an Earth that's not too unlike his own — just about a century behind — that he wasn't going to stay. And when he met the local Spider-Woman, who turned out to be young and attractive and insatiably curious about his whole deal, he told himself that he'd do everything he could to protect her, but he wasn't going to get too close. She's already lost one Spider-Man, and while he hasn't gone through that very specific situation he's had the 'typical' tragic backstory that they all tend to have in common, though he personally tends to think that his involves a lot more objective fuck-ups on his part than the kind of incidental disasters that happen just because of who they are and what they do. He made bad choices. A lot of them. He's trying really hard not to dive back into those, or at the very least not to bring anyone else along for the ride this time.
It kind of worked. For a while. But it was harder to keep her out than he expected, even if she wasn't interrogating him any moment she had him momentarily cornered, she just refused to give up on him, whether that was an intentional choice or just something she slipped into, the same way he found himself hanging around longer to talk to her when he didn't need to. It's not too hard to admit to himself that he cares about Gwen, and only another step or two to admit that he wants to be with her way more often than he's let himself before, and yeah, stumbling into making out and then into a lot more than that left him thinking about those moments often enough that it counts as a severe distraction from his day job. Sometimes even a distraction from his night job. Just a distraction in general. It's a problem.
One that, so far, he's been completely incapable of quitting. They've been trying... right? So maybe sometimes when they're both high on adrenaline they get caught up in a moment, sometimes they just need that moment of connection, it doesn't have to be a Thing. Capital T. It's a lower case thing. Very chill, very low key.
Maybe if he keeps telling himself that it'll actually start feeling like that. It's not currently exceptionally effective.
Especially right now. He's got his own fair share of bumps from this one, things that would have been a lot more debilitating on someone without his level of superhuman resilience, but Gwen unquestionably got the worst of it, and the way it made his chest tighten up with a cold chill is something he could have gone without feeling today. Of course he worries about her, she's not invincible, and even without that specific sharp jab of fear when he wasn't sure about what state she would land in, he's still deeply unsettled with seeing her hurt, at this point mostly woozy and in pain. Hopefully the latter is improving since he's made her take some pills for it, but for most of this she's just going to have to tough it out until she heals, and he's too busy fussing over her to pretend that he's not worried, that he doesn't care as much as he does, and— well, his guard's down, between the two of them anyway. She's being soft and affectionate and needy and he's responding to it with warmth and reassurance and affection of his own.
By all rights he should be rusty with this kind of thing, but it doesn't feel that way.
So maybe he'll just make things easier for her, since she's obviously inching her way toward his lap, probably with a lot less subtlety than she imagines she's got right now, and just carefully draw her in the rest of the way, so his free arm settles naturally around her. And when his face is nuzzled up close to her cheek anyway it's too easy press in a soft kiss there. And then another one. ]
You still can't sleep yet.
[ Not that sleep seems to be exactly her goal at the moment. ]
[ there's no resistance from her when she feels him pull her onto his lap properly, she just settles in whatever way feels the most comfortable the quickest. normally she'd be overthinking it, just a bit, too aware of where his hands are and where her face is and if she's putting too much weight on him... but right now she just doesn't have it in her. he's kissing her cheek and talking in this voice that's just like, so different than his usual voice - something softer, private, like it's just meant for her. and right now it is, yeah, but it's too easy to let herself believe that maybe it got just be hers any time. which right now settles in her bones in a very different way than it might normally, when she's stuck in a mental loop about what a close call that was, and how much worse it could have been, and if they had managed to kill her, there's a very good chance her dad and her friends probably wouldn't have even found out until the news made its way through the criminal grapevine. shit.
but- that's not what happened. she isn't dead, and she's not alone, and the way poe is holding her right now makes it impossible to ignore that fact. there's no talking herself out of it, no way to twist the reality into convincing herself that she is alone. which she's still (un)surprisingly good at, despite her father and her friends being more supportive of her than ever, so it's not a small feat.
she doesn't totally know how to verbalize how grateful she is for it just yet, so she opts for pressing her palm to his chest instead, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, holding on. she tips her head so she can nuzzle him back, all affection ]
M'not, I promise. I won't.
[ she might be starting to actually relax fully into this, but she's really not about to fall asleep, not anymore. even though her eyes do close for a long moment, her breathing measured, giving the rest of her senses a chance to pick up the slack and feel out this situation for all its worth. which... yeah, includes some pain and soreness - the meds are taking a little longer than usual to kick in - but it's mainly helping her process everything. not dead, not alone. safe. safe.
her nose bumps his chin as she lifts her face to his again ]
[ There's a reason why he's made himself scarce after the couple of times they've gotten intimate before. Because he knew how easy it would be to let her get too close, to let himself get too attached, just to... get into all this. Again. As much as he's tried to isolate himself ever since his whole personal life blew up in his face — with help, sure, but would it have happened if he hadn't fucked up to begin with? — he's never assumed that he was somehow over the desire to have someone this close again. Someone he cares about, someone who cares about him, and just the comforting awareness that he wouldn't be going home to an empty bed. Lyla did her best, which was kind of ironic all things considered, to remind him that he's not really alone, but she can't help the fact that she reminds him of Xina, and as much as he sees her as an actual entity in her own right she's his support, not a partner.
Gwen didn't come with any of that baggage. Yeah, she's as caught up in the spider thing as any of the others he's met, they have that in common, but she's young and doing her best and just hadn't had the chance to fuck up romantic prospects the way he has, so maybe that's a little less of an inhibition. Or less guilt about having these feelings. He's not fully sure, he hasn't dared to ask her about it, why she's been just as reluctant as he has to actually commit to not letting this get out of hand.
The fact that they're both desperate not to be alone is the thread that makes the whole thing unravel.
And it's not like they're dragging someone else into the life. They're both already in it, they understand what that means.
It doesn't stop him from the rush of conflicting feelings that come along with the way he's holding her close, cradling her in his lap like she's something delicate, and like he's going to physically shield her from everything that might try to get to her. Like he wants to. Just like he wants to kiss her, he wants to tell her— ]
I'm fine. [ He mutters, distracted, knowing that it's their default, automatic answer. As long as they can speak at all, they're "fine." In truth he hurts, he got mangled pretty bad, but that's all it is. Pain. As long as it doesn't kill him outright, he'll always recover, it's just not usually fun. ] They've gotta do more than drop a building on me to slow me down, you know that.
[ It's funny because it's true? Cut him a break, he's trying.
He almost says something, pauses, then exhales on it instead while tipping his head down toward hers. He shouldn't, he really shouldn't, but he will kiss her fully on the mouth, just as soft as his lips were on her cheek. The twist in his expression, as his face is still very close to hers, has nothing to do with the aches he's feeling. ]
I don't know what it means for us, but you scared me out there tonight.
[ the only protest she gives his "i'm fine" is a quiet noise she couldn't stop herself from making, a hm that would have been a "don't do that" or a "seriously?" if she were more inclined to actually using her words at the moment. but luckily, for his sake mostly, she's not really interested in calling him out for using their default answers on her right now. she actually does trust that he would tell her, if he needed more than time to let his healing do what it does best. totems might have a bad habit of putting on a brave face, but as they get closer, it's harder and harder to fall back on that. it's hard to hide that sort of thing when, well, they're paying as much attention to each other as they are. not that she's taken any time to think about it that way, but it's the truth.
also, why go through the trouble of talking more when she can feel him tip his head that last little bit to press his lips to hers? her fingers tighten in his shirt, just short of tugging, but.. he's literally right there, so it's just a reaction more than anything else. she leans up when he first starts to pull back, stealing just a tiny bit more time with her lips against his before settling again ]
Didn't mean to. [ it feels important! to state! even if it's obvious. because maybe it's not all that obvious? maybe not too long ago, she wouldn't have really cared how he felt about her actions or decisions. but now there's some active effort being made to do right by him, in a way. maybe putting a little more thought into those impulsive decisions before jumping into them, that sort of thing. ] I got scared when I couldn't keep fighting. Scared enough to let Venom take over. Hasn't happened in a long time. [ like, a really long time, actually. even when gwen's at her most low energy, she can still keep venom in the passenger seat. it's almost instinctual now, and it's definitely not something she has to think about. so... ] Guess it means we kinda messed up, huh? [ probably not the best time to try and be clever, considering she can't focus enough to try and clarify or whatever, but. well. some part of her thinks it's clever to make it seem like getting this close to someone was obviously a goof. and if he can joke about someone using him as a wrecking ball, she can make jokes too!! the corner of her mouth quirks up, but then she's pressing up to kiss him again, just a little one, before she settles down and curls against his chest again ]
[ The kind of things that happen to Poe's heart when he kisses her, especially when it's soft and slow and gentle like this, are simultaneously absurdly intense and a cause for concern just on the basis of it being a problem. A big problem that's only gotten bigger, but he did try to avoid it. He tried to reason with it. So far nothing's done much to make his feelings budge, and he's not quite so stubbornly in denial about it that he can't accept the fact that there are feelings. Lots of them. Way too many. And right now it seems like they're all ganging up on him at once, but if there's gonna be a winner in that brawl it's obviously going to be his concern for her and the need to hold her close and comfort her, whatever it takes to get through this. He's not running away this time. ]
I know.
[ It took a while for him to get used to Venom, even longer not to feel unsettled about the fact that it's just something that's a permanent fixture in Gwen's life at this point, it's not like it was any of his business anyway, as long as she's learned how to live with it then he could too. And he feels less wary about Venom in general when he's seen first-hand how the symbiote protects her when it's necessary, as inherently terrifying as it might be to witness. Whatever works, or something. As long as Gwen's safe.
He makes a noise that's a lot less committal at the humor, not because it falls flat, he's just dealing with those feelings, and realizing that he doesn't have an immediate clever retort for it probably shows just how deep in this he really is. Because yeah, it's true, in a sense. Neither of them intended to let things go this far, they'd been pretty adamant about that, but here they are.
Here he is giving her another careful, affectionate kiss in lieu of that retort. ]
I don't think that's a new development. [ Is what he eventually goes with, as he resumes stroking her hair, his tone dry but aiming for a similar vibe. Joking, but... not. ] It's not too late to get out now, y'know, before these smouldering eyes get to you and you stop caring about how many pairs of panties you've forgotten at my place.
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ninetydegrees
(no subject)
or keep moving toooo the couch, in this case. because gwen definitely has at least a mild concussion, and in the time it took them to make it back to his apartment? ( or is it hers..? it's probably bad that she can't actually make that out, at the moment ) standing upright on her own had become increasingly difficult. and at first she felt almost manic - not quite paranoid, but freaked out, yeah. on edge - but luckily for her, poe's gotten surprisingly good at talking her down when she needs it. or it's possible that maybe he didn't actually get better at it, but she just trusts him more now. it could be that, too. maybe.
but he did manage to calm her down and help her chill out eventually, but unfortunately with increased chill also comes increased awareness, which is why she winced before she even totally realized why she would have a reason to. the aches and pains settled in slowly, but the dizziness kind of smacked her in the face before she knew it was coming. or maybe... "knocked her in the head" is the better choice of wording, because after reaching her hand up to touch a weirdly dull-but-sharp pain just above her eyebrow, she realized poe wasn't just avoiding eye contact with her - he was trying to get a look at the cut there.
anyway, that's what led them to this moment right now - the pair still sitting across from each other on the couch - poe still gently cleaning and patching her up, helping her stay awake, and gwen... kinda floating in this weird mental space that's somewhere between "gotta stay awake. totally cannot sleep if i have a concussion. c'mon, stacy, buck up. focus. stay awake." and "i'm so tired and that feels so nice wow poe's so good at this. so good at taking care of me.". and she might not actually be voicing any of those things ( thank god ), but the way she keeps turning her face to press her nose to his palm, or press a kiss to his wrist, isn't subtle. and y'know, neither is the way she keeps leaning in closer to him by a fraction of an inch every minute or so, until she eventually just moves her butt forward, towards him, actually putting her right there in front of him, and not just leaning over into his space. she's not quite sitting on his lap, but it seems like she's certainly trying to sneaking her way to that point, yeah.
she's just feeling a little clingy in the aftermath of a tough fight, that's all. a little scared, a little overprotective, a little needy. the only problem with that is that they haven't really... done anything like that yet. the few times they've hooked up
so farhave been rushed, or impulsive, in the moment. this is slower, softer. with a very different type of need than those other times. ](no subject)
It kind of worked. For a while. But it was harder to keep her out than he expected, even if she wasn't interrogating him any moment she had him momentarily cornered, she just refused to give up on him, whether that was an intentional choice or just something she slipped into, the same way he found himself hanging around longer to talk to her when he didn't need to. It's not too hard to admit to himself that he cares about Gwen, and only another step or two to admit that he wants to be with her way more often than he's let himself before, and yeah, stumbling into making out and then into a lot more than that left him thinking about those moments often enough that it counts as a severe distraction from his day job. Sometimes even a distraction from his night job. Just a distraction in general. It's a problem.
One that, so far, he's been completely incapable of quitting. They've been trying... right? So maybe sometimes when they're both high on adrenaline they get caught up in a moment, sometimes they just need that moment of connection, it doesn't have to be a Thing. Capital T. It's a lower case thing. Very chill, very low key.
Maybe if he keeps telling himself that it'll actually start feeling like that. It's not currently exceptionally effective.
Especially right now. He's got his own fair share of bumps from this one, things that would have been a lot more debilitating on someone without his level of superhuman resilience, but Gwen unquestionably got the worst of it, and the way it made his chest tighten up with a cold chill is something he could have gone without feeling today. Of course he worries about her, she's not invincible, and even without that specific sharp jab of fear when he wasn't sure about what state she would land in, he's still deeply unsettled with seeing her hurt, at this point mostly woozy and in pain. Hopefully the latter is improving since he's made her take some pills for it, but for most of this she's just going to have to tough it out until she heals, and he's too busy fussing over her to pretend that he's not worried, that he doesn't care as much as he does, and— well, his guard's down, between the two of them anyway. She's being soft and affectionate and needy and he's responding to it with warmth and reassurance and affection of his own.
By all rights he should be rusty with this kind of thing, but it doesn't feel that way.
So maybe he'll just make things easier for her, since she's obviously inching her way toward his lap, probably with a lot less subtlety than she imagines she's got right now, and just carefully draw her in the rest of the way, so his free arm settles naturally around her. And when his face is nuzzled up close to her cheek anyway it's too easy press in a soft kiss there. And then another one. ]
You still can't sleep yet.
[ Not that sleep seems to be exactly her goal at the moment. ]
(no subject)
but- that's not what happened. she isn't dead, and she's not alone, and the way poe is holding her right now makes it impossible to ignore that fact. there's no talking herself out of it, no way to twist the reality into convincing herself that she is alone. which she's still (un)surprisingly good at, despite her father and her friends being more supportive of her than ever, so it's not a small feat.
she doesn't totally know how to verbalize how grateful she is for it just yet, so she opts for pressing her palm to his chest instead, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, holding on. she tips her head so she can nuzzle him back, all affection ]
M'not, I promise. I won't.
[ she might be starting to actually relax fully into this, but she's really not about to fall asleep, not anymore. even though her eyes do close for a long moment, her breathing measured, giving the rest of her senses a chance to pick up the slack and feel out this situation for all its worth. which... yeah, includes some pain and soreness - the meds are taking a little longer than usual to kick in - but it's mainly helping her process everything. not dead, not alone. safe. safe.
her nose bumps his chin as she lifts her face to his again ]
Are you okay-?
(no subject)
Gwen didn't come with any of that baggage. Yeah, she's as caught up in the spider thing as any of the others he's met, they have that in common, but she's young and doing her best and just hadn't had the chance to fuck up romantic prospects the way he has, so maybe that's a little less of an inhibition. Or less guilt about having these feelings. He's not fully sure, he hasn't dared to ask her about it, why she's been just as reluctant as he has to actually commit to not letting this get out of hand.
The fact that they're both desperate not to be alone is the thread that makes the whole thing unravel.
And it's not like they're dragging someone else into the life. They're both already in it, they understand what that means.
It doesn't stop him from the rush of conflicting feelings that come along with the way he's holding her close, cradling her in his lap like she's something delicate, and like he's going to physically shield her from everything that might try to get to her. Like he wants to. Just like he wants to kiss her, he wants to tell her— ]
I'm fine. [ He mutters, distracted, knowing that it's their default, automatic answer. As long as they can speak at all, they're "fine." In truth he hurts, he got mangled pretty bad, but that's all it is. Pain. As long as it doesn't kill him outright, he'll always recover, it's just not usually fun. ] They've gotta do more than drop a building on me to slow me down, you know that.
[ It's funny because it's true? Cut him a break, he's trying.
He almost says something, pauses, then exhales on it instead while tipping his head down toward hers. He shouldn't, he really shouldn't, but he will kiss her fully on the mouth, just as soft as his lips were on her cheek. The twist in his expression, as his face is still very close to hers, has nothing to do with the aches he's feeling. ]
I don't know what it means for us, but you scared me out there tonight.
(no subject)
also, why go through the trouble of talking more when she can feel him tip his head that last little bit to press his lips to hers? her fingers tighten in his shirt, just short of tugging, but.. he's literally right there, so it's just a reaction more than anything else. she leans up when he first starts to pull back, stealing just a tiny bit more time with her lips against his before settling again ]
Didn't mean to. [ it feels important! to state! even if it's obvious. because maybe it's not all that obvious? maybe not too long ago, she wouldn't have really cared how he felt about her actions or decisions. but now there's some active effort being made to do right by him, in a way. maybe putting a little more thought into those impulsive decisions before jumping into them, that sort of thing. ] I got scared when I couldn't keep fighting. Scared enough to let Venom take over. Hasn't happened in a long time. [ like, a really long time, actually. even when gwen's at her most low energy, she can still keep venom in the passenger seat. it's almost instinctual now, and it's definitely not something she has to think about. so... ] Guess it means we kinda messed up, huh? [ probably not the best time to try and be clever, considering she can't focus enough to try and clarify or whatever, but. well. some part of her thinks it's clever to make it seem like getting this close to someone was obviously a goof. and if he can joke about someone using him as a wrecking ball, she can make jokes too!! the corner of her mouth quirks up, but then she's pressing up to kiss him again, just a little one, before she settles down and curls against his chest again ]
(no subject)
I know.
[ It took a while for him to get used to Venom, even longer not to feel unsettled about the fact that it's just something that's a permanent fixture in Gwen's life at this point, it's not like it was any of his business anyway, as long as she's learned how to live with it then he could too. And he feels less wary about Venom in general when he's seen first-hand how the symbiote protects her when it's necessary, as inherently terrifying as it might be to witness. Whatever works, or something. As long as Gwen's safe.
He makes a noise that's a lot less committal at the humor, not because it falls flat, he's just dealing with those feelings, and realizing that he doesn't have an immediate clever retort for it probably shows just how deep in this he really is. Because yeah, it's true, in a sense. Neither of them intended to let things go this far, they'd been pretty adamant about that, but here they are.
Here he is giving her another careful, affectionate kiss in lieu of that retort. ]
I don't think that's a new development. [ Is what he eventually goes with, as he resumes stroking her hair, his tone dry but aiming for a similar vibe. Joking, but... not. ] It's not too late to get out now, y'know, before these smouldering eyes get to you and you stop caring about how many pairs of panties you've forgotten at my place.