[ There's a reason why he's made himself scarce after the couple of times they've gotten intimate before. Because he knew how easy it would be to let her get too close, to let himself get too attached, just to... get into all this. Again. As much as he's tried to isolate himself ever since his whole personal life blew up in his face — with help, sure, but would it have happened if he hadn't fucked up to begin with? — he's never assumed that he was somehow over the desire to have someone this close again. Someone he cares about, someone who cares about him, and just the comforting awareness that he wouldn't be going home to an empty bed. Lyla did her best, which was kind of ironic all things considered, to remind him that he's not really alone, but she can't help the fact that she reminds him of Xina, and as much as he sees her as an actual entity in her own right she's his support, not a partner.
Gwen didn't come with any of that baggage. Yeah, she's as caught up in the spider thing as any of the others he's met, they have that in common, but she's young and doing her best and just hadn't had the chance to fuck up romantic prospects the way he has, so maybe that's a little less of an inhibition. Or less guilt about having these feelings. He's not fully sure, he hasn't dared to ask her about it, why she's been just as reluctant as he has to actually commit to not letting this get out of hand.
The fact that they're both desperate not to be alone is the thread that makes the whole thing unravel.
And it's not like they're dragging someone else into the life. They're both already in it, they understand what that means.
It doesn't stop him from the rush of conflicting feelings that come along with the way he's holding her close, cradling her in his lap like she's something delicate, and like he's going to physically shield her from everything that might try to get to her. Like he wants to. Just like he wants to kiss her, he wants to tell her— ]
I'm fine. [ He mutters, distracted, knowing that it's their default, automatic answer. As long as they can speak at all, they're "fine." In truth he hurts, he got mangled pretty bad, but that's all it is. Pain. As long as it doesn't kill him outright, he'll always recover, it's just not usually fun. ] They've gotta do more than drop a building on me to slow me down, you know that.
[ It's funny because it's true? Cut him a break, he's trying.
He almost says something, pauses, then exhales on it instead while tipping his head down toward hers. He shouldn't, he really shouldn't, but he will kiss her fully on the mouth, just as soft as his lips were on her cheek. The twist in his expression, as his face is still very close to hers, has nothing to do with the aches he's feeling. ]
I don't know what it means for us, but you scared me out there tonight.
[ the only protest she gives his "i'm fine" is a quiet noise she couldn't stop herself from making, a hm that would have been a "don't do that" or a "seriously?" if she were more inclined to actually using her words at the moment. but luckily, for his sake mostly, she's not really interested in calling him out for using their default answers on her right now. she actually does trust that he would tell her, if he needed more than time to let his healing do what it does best. totems might have a bad habit of putting on a brave face, but as they get closer, it's harder and harder to fall back on that. it's hard to hide that sort of thing when, well, they're paying as much attention to each other as they are. not that she's taken any time to think about it that way, but it's the truth.
also, why go through the trouble of talking more when she can feel him tip his head that last little bit to press his lips to hers? her fingers tighten in his shirt, just short of tugging, but.. he's literally right there, so it's just a reaction more than anything else. she leans up when he first starts to pull back, stealing just a tiny bit more time with her lips against his before settling again ]
Didn't mean to. [ it feels important! to state! even if it's obvious. because maybe it's not all that obvious? maybe not too long ago, she wouldn't have really cared how he felt about her actions or decisions. but now there's some active effort being made to do right by him, in a way. maybe putting a little more thought into those impulsive decisions before jumping into them, that sort of thing. ] I got scared when I couldn't keep fighting. Scared enough to let Venom take over. Hasn't happened in a long time. [ like, a really long time, actually. even when gwen's at her most low energy, she can still keep venom in the passenger seat. it's almost instinctual now, and it's definitely not something she has to think about. so... ] Guess it means we kinda messed up, huh? [ probably not the best time to try and be clever, considering she can't focus enough to try and clarify or whatever, but. well. some part of her thinks it's clever to make it seem like getting this close to someone was obviously a goof. and if he can joke about someone using him as a wrecking ball, she can make jokes too!! the corner of her mouth quirks up, but then she's pressing up to kiss him again, just a little one, before she settles down and curls against his chest again ]
[ The kind of things that happen to Poe's heart when he kisses her, especially when it's soft and slow and gentle like this, are simultaneously absurdly intense and a cause for concern just on the basis of it being a problem. A big problem that's only gotten bigger, but he did try to avoid it. He tried to reason with it. So far nothing's done much to make his feelings budge, and he's not quite so stubbornly in denial about it that he can't accept the fact that there are feelings. Lots of them. Way too many. And right now it seems like they're all ganging up on him at once, but if there's gonna be a winner in that brawl it's obviously going to be his concern for her and the need to hold her close and comfort her, whatever it takes to get through this. He's not running away this time. ]
I know.
[ It took a while for him to get used to Venom, even longer not to feel unsettled about the fact that it's just something that's a permanent fixture in Gwen's life at this point, it's not like it was any of his business anyway, as long as she's learned how to live with it then he could too. And he feels less wary about Venom in general when he's seen first-hand how the symbiote protects her when it's necessary, as inherently terrifying as it might be to witness. Whatever works, or something. As long as Gwen's safe.
He makes a noise that's a lot less committal at the humor, not because it falls flat, he's just dealing with those feelings, and realizing that he doesn't have an immediate clever retort for it probably shows just how deep in this he really is. Because yeah, it's true, in a sense. Neither of them intended to let things go this far, they'd been pretty adamant about that, but here they are.
Here he is giving her another careful, affectionate kiss in lieu of that retort. ]
I don't think that's a new development. [ Is what he eventually goes with, as he resumes stroking her hair, his tone dry but aiming for a similar vibe. Joking, but... not. ] It's not too late to get out now, y'know, before these smouldering eyes get to you and you stop caring about how many pairs of panties you've forgotten at my place.
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ninetydegrees
(no subject)
Gwen didn't come with any of that baggage. Yeah, she's as caught up in the spider thing as any of the others he's met, they have that in common, but she's young and doing her best and just hadn't had the chance to fuck up romantic prospects the way he has, so maybe that's a little less of an inhibition. Or less guilt about having these feelings. He's not fully sure, he hasn't dared to ask her about it, why she's been just as reluctant as he has to actually commit to not letting this get out of hand.
The fact that they're both desperate not to be alone is the thread that makes the whole thing unravel.
And it's not like they're dragging someone else into the life. They're both already in it, they understand what that means.
It doesn't stop him from the rush of conflicting feelings that come along with the way he's holding her close, cradling her in his lap like she's something delicate, and like he's going to physically shield her from everything that might try to get to her. Like he wants to. Just like he wants to kiss her, he wants to tell her— ]
I'm fine. [ He mutters, distracted, knowing that it's their default, automatic answer. As long as they can speak at all, they're "fine." In truth he hurts, he got mangled pretty bad, but that's all it is. Pain. As long as it doesn't kill him outright, he'll always recover, it's just not usually fun. ] They've gotta do more than drop a building on me to slow me down, you know that.
[ It's funny because it's true? Cut him a break, he's trying.
He almost says something, pauses, then exhales on it instead while tipping his head down toward hers. He shouldn't, he really shouldn't, but he will kiss her fully on the mouth, just as soft as his lips were on her cheek. The twist in his expression, as his face is still very close to hers, has nothing to do with the aches he's feeling. ]
I don't know what it means for us, but you scared me out there tonight.
(no subject)
also, why go through the trouble of talking more when she can feel him tip his head that last little bit to press his lips to hers? her fingers tighten in his shirt, just short of tugging, but.. he's literally right there, so it's just a reaction more than anything else. she leans up when he first starts to pull back, stealing just a tiny bit more time with her lips against his before settling again ]
Didn't mean to. [ it feels important! to state! even if it's obvious. because maybe it's not all that obvious? maybe not too long ago, she wouldn't have really cared how he felt about her actions or decisions. but now there's some active effort being made to do right by him, in a way. maybe putting a little more thought into those impulsive decisions before jumping into them, that sort of thing. ] I got scared when I couldn't keep fighting. Scared enough to let Venom take over. Hasn't happened in a long time. [ like, a really long time, actually. even when gwen's at her most low energy, she can still keep venom in the passenger seat. it's almost instinctual now, and it's definitely not something she has to think about. so... ] Guess it means we kinda messed up, huh? [ probably not the best time to try and be clever, considering she can't focus enough to try and clarify or whatever, but. well. some part of her thinks it's clever to make it seem like getting this close to someone was obviously a goof. and if he can joke about someone using him as a wrecking ball, she can make jokes too!! the corner of her mouth quirks up, but then she's pressing up to kiss him again, just a little one, before she settles down and curls against his chest again ]
(no subject)
I know.
[ It took a while for him to get used to Venom, even longer not to feel unsettled about the fact that it's just something that's a permanent fixture in Gwen's life at this point, it's not like it was any of his business anyway, as long as she's learned how to live with it then he could too. And he feels less wary about Venom in general when he's seen first-hand how the symbiote protects her when it's necessary, as inherently terrifying as it might be to witness. Whatever works, or something. As long as Gwen's safe.
He makes a noise that's a lot less committal at the humor, not because it falls flat, he's just dealing with those feelings, and realizing that he doesn't have an immediate clever retort for it probably shows just how deep in this he really is. Because yeah, it's true, in a sense. Neither of them intended to let things go this far, they'd been pretty adamant about that, but here they are.
Here he is giving her another careful, affectionate kiss in lieu of that retort. ]
I don't think that's a new development. [ Is what he eventually goes with, as he resumes stroking her hair, his tone dry but aiming for a similar vibe. Joking, but... not. ] It's not too late to get out now, y'know, before these smouldering eyes get to you and you stop caring about how many pairs of panties you've forgotten at my place.